Here we go again…

It is 3:14 am on Friday August 9, 2019. Wide awake, the sound of the fan and my husband breathing is all I hear. Haven’t been to sleep yet. I haven’t worked a full week let alone a full day since my little “episode”. Whoohoo got the notification that my Short Term was approved…good news right?!? Well, I guess so considering I won’t get paid. All it did was take what little vacation I did have and the rest of the time was unpaid. So we are going on a couple weeks on just his income, bless his heart. I was set and determined I would go to work on this Friday and everything would be ok, I would be ok. I’m not the same I was before this HM. It may sound stupid, made up or just me being a baby but I am not the same yet. My memory I have noticed isn’t the way it was, Jamey says I’ve always been a bit dingy but this is different than my ADD. I feel drained, exhausted like someone kicked my ass or I have just gotten over the flu. My eyeballs hurt and I’ve had a slight headache the last 2 days which I tried blaming on the change in my medication. (Lets hope)

I am a “go” person, always something to do or needs to be done. I am a that makes me wonder if it’s just my ADD because I get bored easy. But I can be content sitting outside watching the sky, in a fishing boat listening to the water or laying with Jamey for our “couch time” (that is usually before bed to just relax. Today I tried to walk Ruger twice, to get the both of us up, moving and out of the house. The first time I’m guessing it was too early because he just wanted to chase rabbits that were eating the dew covered grass. And the second time was my fault I took him on a walk around 1 pm, 83 degrees, he’s a air conditioned dog! He went from walking in front of me to beside me to behind me then at the end of our street he laid down in the grass til I faked him out with a “is dad home” saying that got him up and moving. I know I’m a dirty liar I knew damn well he wasn’t home but it was a bit embarrassing! Now this wasn’t even a brisk walk and it only lasted maybe 12 minutes.

Wish this dull headache would go away! Looks like I will only be working a half a day…I want to be normal again.

Author: melonymiller

These are thoughts, recipes and struggles from me to you!!!

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